When I had my profound mathematical insights on my ‘intellectual odyssey’ that started in 1996, I could not know yet what my mum had saved me from the bombing of Dresden for: to bring ‘software lenses‘ to the world of discovery that computers are offering humanity.
She was 22 and I was 5 months old, when she used nappies to breathe through the fumes and smokes and walk, walk, walk with me in a pram. Apparently I didn’t cry, even though I was dreadfully sore. I must have been dumbfounded by the violence and noise around me.
When I was 16, she read “What is a Computer?” in the “Best of Reader’s Digest” and said that it would be good for me. Was she right! Later she deplored that I seemed to be married to my computers.
But I just couldn’t get the funding together. When I was caring for her until her passing, I could work with long-term unemployed programmers in Berlin with whom I produced this website to illustrate the potential.
Since then, I preferred to blog and publish websites than to re-learn programming. I had moved on from diagnosing and using software to designing it, formulating new mathematical concepts – based on my ‘software aided thinking‘ – and presenting it for programmers to understand.
Now I shall move on again. For I met an investor / client who said “I’m your man“, just as Leonard Cohen sang. And he introduced me to a programmer with whom I communicate exceedingly well. The ‘brain dump’ from my head to his is critical. We tested it for 10 days before Christmas. Since then I’ve been waiting for the second phase.
Now it’s starting. The data is coming to keep me busy and to reset priorities in my professional life with zest. BUT: the programmer stopped talking to me…
It also means a much more stable emotional and thus healthier life. Who wants to live in exile, unable to sleep due to worrying? Who wants to be afraid of Police only because I felt for other people’s children’s suffering, while I don’t even have any of my own?
As I am “wanted for discussion”, I shall meet Barnet Police and explain what I have done and what I have not done to help the 2 child witnesses and 18 other child victims in the whistleblower kids case.
I shall finish the book Forced Adoptions: against Parents’ Wills – the European Dimension – as it tells the story of my ‘pilgrimages’ to Brussels and our written submissions.
I shall replace my Slavic fire (father) with the calmness of my German mind (mother) that likes to analyse, measure and create new orders of organisation.
I stopped taking on individual cases, because “it was too much“. Too much for my emotional capacity. Too much for coping with my heart that may crack up, if I don’t lower the stress levels, I am told.
Data science, software design and testing will be healthier living than online campaigning. Oracles with my Digital I Ching will be more amusing than predicting where court cases may lead us.
When I finished school, I had to interpret this poem by Hermann Hesse. It ends with Anon, my heart: Say farewell and recover!
But it also says: for each beginning bears a special magic
that nurtures living and bestows protection.